My liver just broke up with me...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
