I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
