He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
