is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize