Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
