That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
