you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
