Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize