Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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