I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
