so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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