): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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