i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
