New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
