Don't make out with my wife yet
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
