no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
