ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
