Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
