I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
