State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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