Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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