She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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