just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
