I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
