She's JV to your varsity
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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