I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
