i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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