im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
