You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
