New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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