your thong is hanging out like whoa
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
