I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize