You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
