Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
