i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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