i permit you to call me
I could make wine with my vomit
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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