Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
