I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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