Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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