She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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