i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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