I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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