She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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