I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
