i would punch a child for taco bell
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
