It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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