id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The best revenge is premature balding
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
