brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
