Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
