yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
