If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
