is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have demons in me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
