sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
