I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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