woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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