Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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