are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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