Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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