You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is not my ceiling
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize