in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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