i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize