This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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