I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
