I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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