Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Jerry, you need to find god
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
