i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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