I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
