I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
