he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
