go do what you do best...puke behind churches
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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