Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
