so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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