Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize